


Hikari Yo

by TrainRush



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [1]
Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, conductor is half fire spirit, hat is mentioned multiple times, now i know how this looks but trust me ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28716060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrainRush/pseuds/TrainRush
Summary: DAY 1: mind controlIn the dead of the night, the Conductor is given a second chance.—(or, alternatively, a midnight meeting that precedes the10 Seconds Until Self-Destructdeath wish.)
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105115
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	Hikari Yo

**Author's Note:**

> this is functional as a sequel to my fic _the things i deserve_ and a prequel to my fic _confronting two birds,_ but knowledge of them is in no way required to read this fic
> 
> i’ve had this idea for a while, so when i realized it fit day one’s prompt, i jumped on it immediately. i hope you enjoy :)

The darkness that surrounded the office was suffocating.

It was midnight, past that, even, but the Conductor couldn’t sleep. How could he with so much work to be done? Paper after stack of paper, bill after bill — it was horrendously exhausting work. The Conductor was well adjusted to it, of course — having worked in the studio for most of his life, this was just another part of the job — but the worst part of doing the work especially at the moment was how it didn’t do well at distracting Conductor from the thoughts swirling in his mind.

He weighed the option of leaving the work for the following day. Looking over the remaining papers, he decided yes, the work could be left for tomorrow, and he rose from his seat to pour himself a drink. Sure, it was very late at night, but the Conductor could manage. He’d done this before. Tonight’s late drinking would be no different than any other.

And besides, alcohol had more power to stifle his thoughts than any papers ever would.

His self-hatred had been especially vicious that night, as he had been sorting out the bills and paperwork for none other than _Train Rush._ Every time he’d see that _damned_ name on a piece of paperwork, his thoughts would bite into him ravenously. Every single one reminded him of his failure. What he could have done to make his plans turn out in his favor. They stung, and the numbers on the bills only added salt into the wound. Of course he had to pay the repairs for his train, but not only that; there was also the compensation for his actors, and the amount paid in bribes for them to keep silent about the bomb being real. Grooves was… a different story. Luckily, he hadn’t had to bribe the DJ — a quick knife threat was enough to do him in. And he didn’t have to worry about the lass that starred in the movie because she was the quiet type anyway.

He remembered the look on her face when she sped into the front carriage.

_Maybe if it wasn’t her, you would’ve…_

And his thoughts started up again. The Conductor took another sip from his glass.

_If there had been less time…_

_If there had been more explosives…_

_If the bullet fire times had been faster…_

Even though he told himself the thoughts were useless as the attempt had already been attempted and through, he couldn’t help but wonder. What if things _had_ gone in his favor? What if he _had_ set things up differently? Would he have been scattered as ashes across the train tracks? Would he have finally been at rest?

He finished his first glass and poured himself a second.

That lass was… something else. The Conductor supposed he should have guessed as much — her being an alien and all — but it still surprised him just how much she was capable of. He’d even peeked in on some of Grooves’s recording sessions, expecting it to be a shitshow, only to watch her expertly dodging homing missiles in the shapes of firework launchers and confetti bombs. 

~~_If he’d implemented something like that…_ ~~

Of course, being an alien, she was built differently than all of his bird actors. In fact, if he had to guess, she was probably stronger than all of them combined. Which made her an athletic powerhouse. 

~~_What would it take to push her to her limits?_ ~~

~~_To break her?_ ~~

~~_What did he have to do to make her give up?_ ~~

For a moment, he wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t given up the idea for an action scene in _Murder on the Owl Express._ After all, the lass would have done expertly in a combat scene. Especially considering the performance he’d seen in-

~~_Would he have to-_ ~~

He killed his thoughts at that. Mentally hitting himself, he buried his head in his hands for a moment before finishing his second glass. No matter what he did, his thoughts always circled back to Train Rush. 

_It should’ve gone right._

_You should be dead._

_You should be gone._

_If only you just had a second chance—_

As if on cue, the dim panel of lights above him flickered before fizzling out. Left in complete darkness, the Conductor swore under his breath, his anger building. He reached around for the drawer he kept his backup flashlight in, but before he could find it, he felt a strange chill go up his spine that made him freeze in place.

Like something else was in the darkness.

“Hello?”

The darkness seemed to seize him, as though constricting the air in his lungs and forcing him to shrink in on himself.

**“A second chance?”**

The voice seemed to come from both everywhere and nowhere. It was both entirely in the Conductor’s head and all around him. It was smooth and quiet yet undeniably laced with malice. Above all, it was unfamiliar. _Terrifyingly_ unfamiliar.

**“I can help with that.”**

From nowhere, the darkness gained sharp talons. They gripped the Conductor’s face and neck, as though examining him like a collector would a doll. As they did, the Conductor found that he was frozen. He couldn’t find it in himself to struggle or to move, being too terrified to even try. So, against his best wishes, he remained complicit as the strange darkness seemingly studied every last one of the feathers on his face.

**“Are you part Fire Spirit?”**

The question came suddenly as the darkness was tugging at the plume of feathers at the back of his head. Too nervous to keep the shadow waiting, the Conductor nodded quickly.

They gave one final tug at his feathers before planting both their hands on the Conductor’s cheeks.

**“That explains things!”**

Laugher bounded throughout the room, twisted with ill intent and sick pleasure.

**“You want to burn, Fire Spirit? I can give you that opportunity.”**

As the shadow released their talons from his face at last, a few of the papers from his desk were swept off in a sudden wind. There was a slight pause.

**“You want to redo a previous suicide attempt, as I take it?”**

The Conductor nodded again. 

**“What a tragedy that you failed the first time! Wasn’t your plan supposed to have been infallible?”**

“It was.” Annoyed by the mysterious entity, he spoke without meaning to and immediately regretted it.

 **“So you** **_can_ ** **speak!”** They laughed again before becoming serious. **“Now shut up.”** As they finished speaking, a talon grabbed his beak and forced it shut.

 **“You want another attempt at suicide? I’ll give you another attempt. In fact, I’ll help you make it in any way you want me to. I can shorten the timer, I can add all those explosives you love, and even more than that.”** Now their talons gripped him so tightly he could feel his skin begin to tear and bleed.

Even despite the situation, the offer was almost perfect. In fact, it was so perfect that he wondered for a moment if the figure he was seeing was a hallucination. If he was dreaming. Seeing as the pain he was feeling was very, very real, he ruled the second option out. He wouldn’t have been surprised if this were a hallucination, but he sincerely hoped it wasn’t.

They must’ve seen the Conductor’s eagerness, because they spoke again: **“Interested, are you? Good, good. If you’re wondering what the catch is, my clause is very simple. I fulfill my buyers’ requests at the cheap, cheap cost of their souls.”**

The Conductor flinched. His… soul? 

**“But hey, since you’re requesting a second chance at suicide, you won’t even need your soul anyway, right? The offer is practically free!”**

He supposed that was true. But did he really want to go through with this…?

...Well, of course he did. But there had to be some other catch… right? Especially with how malicious this… spectre was sounding.

**“Well, what do you say, pal? We got a deal?”**

In front of him materialized a small contract and a feather pen to go along with it. They seemed to glow in the darkness of the room.

For just a moment, he hesitated. All of this was so sudden. But at the same time, he didn't doubt the abilities of the shadow. There was an odd aura about them that made him uneasy with fear. Like he was dealing with the devil. And honestly, if he truly were, he wouldn't have been surprised.

He picked up the feather pen and read over the terms and conditions.

The spectre, "Snatcher," as they called themself, would retain full control over the Conductor's soul so long as the contract was in effect. In return, they would turn back time to the day of _Train Rush,_ with all the modifications that Conductor wanted. At the bottom of the contract, in fine print, there was a disclaimer: the shadow did not guarantee that the attempt would go through.

"And if it fails?"

 **"If it fails?"** the spirit echoed. **"Wouldn't be my fault."**

The Conductor thought for a moment. “Can I add a condition?”

**“Depends. What is it?”**

“If it fails, I don’t want to remember this second chance.”

The shadow seemed to sit and think on this for a moment. **“...Fine by me.”**

An additional line materialized on the contract. If by the time the contract expired, the Conductor was still alive, his memories would be erased through until just before when he first met the shadow.

Everything seemed perfect. He looked up and around the room for a moment, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious being he was dealing with, but he saw nothing but inky black darkness.

The Conductor took a deep breath before scrawling his name on the contract.

**“That’s a deal!”**

The contract vanished as suddenly as the spirit spoke.

**“Now, let me just take this from you…”**

For a moment, there was nothing. Then, without warning, a searing pain hit the Conductor in the chest. He stumbled back, hissing in pain and clutching his chest. Tears pricked at the edge of his vision, threatening to spill over. The warmth that was once in his chest was completely gone. And it was cold. So cold. He looked around wildly.

**“Oh, I almost forgot Fire Spirits run on soul magic. Whoops!”**

The Conductor straightened his back and stood up as best he could.

**“Let’s see here…”**

A blue string appeared from nowhere, tightening itself against his neck. Terrified, he brought his hands up to his throat, scratching and pulling at it, but it only tightened further. Almost like a noose.

Suddenly, his body fell limp. His arms fell to his side, his head angled to the ground. As he realized what was going on, he felt his heart drum in his chest.

There was a pause.

Then the Conductor’s arms began to raise, as though moved by puppet strings, apparently testing out his movement. It only lasted for a moment before he began to… dance? 

Complete with twirls and jumps, it was, at best, a sloppy parody of a traditional Fire Spirit dance. A clear mockery by the shadow. He could even hear them snickering as he put on the performance. Hatred boiled within him.

**“I guess I should stop playing.”**

At that, the spectre quit their puppeteering of the Conductor’s dance and let him have control over his own body again. Yet the string remained.

**“Now…”**

From nowhere appeared an hourglass similar to the ones the hatted lass liked to collect. Although this one appeared… different. It had an odd purple tint to its wood and the sand inside. It reeked of negative energy, making the Conductor shudder.

And they put it in his hands before gripping his shoulders.

**“Break it.”**

“What?”

**“Did I stutter? Break it.”**

Their talons sunk into his shoulders, and he hissed in pain.

**“Break the hourglass. Then the fun can begin.”**

The Conductor hesitated for a moment as the talons sunk deeper and deeper, breaking into his skin—

He tossed the hourglass against his desk with all his might, watched it shatter, and everything disappeared.


End file.
